Heinz > Hunt's

As one of few ketchup connoisseurs, I feel the need to discuss the most loved condiment in the world. Whenever I am at a restaurant, I quickly locate the ketchup bottle and assess it by holding it, determining whether it contains enough or not. If not, I exchange it with another table's full bottle. If it is full, let's go. BUT the most important factor about the condiment is the brand. Let's face it, Hunt's ketchup sucks. If it's all I have, I will suck it up and eat it, but Heinz is the best. It should be the only type available anywhere. And this, my friends, is a very important issue.

Beach Weddings

Ask any woman if she would like to have a beach wedding. You're sure to have every one of us swoon over the idea of such an idyllic place for the most romantic day of our lives. But is having a beach wedding really as glamorous as we imagine?

• The guest list must be small. Very small.
• Formal wear is basically out of the question. Men are typically in khaki pants and a shirt, while the bride has to wear a sleek white dress that vaguely resembles that of a traditional wedding gown. Sure, you could purchase a huge Cinderella-type gown and have your beach wedding, but good luck with all of that sand your pretty dress accumulates.
• No shoes, considering sand isn't very shoe-friendly. Come on, the pretty shoes are half the fun.
• The risk of inclement weather can severely mess up your wedding day plans.
• Wind. Though this is similar to weather conditions, the beach is a prime place for serious wind to ruin the hair that you just had worked on for hours.
  
• Just hope that the tourists who are hanging off of their condo balconies keep quiet during your ceremony instead of making loud comments, noises, etc. that make ruin everything. It's also just a little creepy that these strangers are passive participants in your wedding anyway.
• Does your family and close friends stay in the same hotel/condo that you and your new bride or groom are staying at? Talk about weird.

This post was inspired by lovely Louisiana cajuns who happened to have a wedding while we were in Destin, Florida last week. Fortunately, the weather was beautiful and no drunken strangers interrupted the ceremony.

Dating 101

This is what it takes to satisfy young, bleach-blonde females who galavant around in low cut shirts. Don't forget a big tip, sir. That's a must.

Ugly Dog Award

I am an animal lover, truly. But when it comes to gigantic poodles, that is where I draw the line. I have never seen a more awkward looking dog (or any animal for that matter). Poor things don't even have a chance at ever looking masculine.

"Dr." Phil Knows Best

This is probably the most perfect interpretation of Dr. Phil I have ever come across. He's basically Dr. Evil, and God forbid if he had a Mini Me. I just love how Phil McGraw pushes his own opinions on other people. Oh, and of course, he is always right. Whatever you think is ridiculous; Dr. Phil knows best.

Oprah

Among the list of my (Bethany's) most hated celebrities is Oprah Winfrey. It is baffling to me how a talk show host can have so much control over other people's opinions/views on very serious, personal issues. Some, no...a lot, of people are extreme. Whatever Oprah says, they shall do. Apparently she's the next Mother Theresa.

Fat People...

I hate fat people. I don't mean just overweight people, I mean FAT people. Like the ones these children are going to grow up to be if they don't change. I bet their parents are wheelchair bound and blame it on their thyroid. "It's a genetic problem." Genetic problems are hair color, and heart problems; not the inability to not put your legs together because your stomach is hanging in between them while sitting. I mean seriously...

"But it's REALLY good..."

Listen. I don't care how "good" it may be. Spending $100 for TWO people at a silly restaurant where you dip meat and other food into various sauces is absurd. Can't you just go to Zaxby's and dip chicken fingers into ketchup and Zax sauce? I consider that fondue...

Yet Another Stupid Fad

1. Coffee is a waste of calories.
2. Coffee doesn't even taste that good.
3. Coffee is a waste of money, particularly Starbucks coffee. Overpriced.
4. It's just like bumpits, uggs, and skinny jeans... People just jump on the bandwagon because it's the "cool" thing to do.
5. The number of Starbucks across the world is exponentially increasing. Like a pandemic virus.
6. This may go along with #1, but who cares? Most of the beverages and food at Starbucks is very unhealthy. Sure, moderation is key to everything in life. But how many coffee drinkers are moderate coffee drinkers? And you better think twice before eating the cinnamon roll, dear. It likely has more fat grams than a Big Mac does.

Ode to American Literature

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Walt Whitman is dead
And American literature is through!

Beer Pong

Beer pong (n): a drinking game in which players attempt to throw ping pong balls across a table into an opponent's half-filled cups of beer. Players are required to drink the beer from any of their cups into which opponent throws the ball. The first player to hit all their opponent's cups wins.

This ridiculous game has become increasingly popular among college students. What in the name of God makes it so popular? Not only do stupid teens and twenty-somethings get drunk, but now they had a game in which to assist them to get even more drunk! How convenient.

Really, this is pathetic and a major waste of time. Do people not have anything better to do? And don't even get me started on people making their own beer pong tables (let alone the ones who keep it on their front porch...).

Yet another thing I marvel at.